Vicious Circle 1.0

"Hellooo.... Hellooo..."

There was nothing that could disturb me and Aishwarya( Rai; if surname is what you were looking for) as we were dancing... Salsa to be precise... And man, she was good... Hrithik had to wait his turn and Abhishek was nowhere to be seen... Even SRK was sitting just round the corner with his pepsi buddy John, jealously eyeing me with the corner of his eyes...
It was so perfect that I realised it was a dream as I dreamt it... And there was nothing that could stop me from my Sunday noon slumber... Or I thought so...

"Hellooo.... Hellooo..."

It was my mobile phone... The cry-baby... Seeks my attention every time someone turns her on with their desire to reach out to me... Sleek and sexy in black with her blue eyes which blink at me as if to seduce me into picking her up... Cursing the caller who dared to disturb me, I picked it up...Maybe he was the answer to Abhishek’s prayers...

“Yaa...”
“Anish speaking...”
“Which Anish???”
“How many Anish do you know???”

Irritated by the question that originated from the unknown caller, I blurted out “Buddy boy, Anish is a common name and I know many such ‘Anish’s from different times of my humble life for 23 years... Will you pl mention your full name so that I can decide whether I know you or not...”
“The name is Anish.K.Mathew.”

Oh.. Now that’s interesting... Here is a former Kazak (short form of Kazhakootam. The place where I did my schooling for 7 years.)... How did he get my number??? And more importantly, why did he call me on a Sunday afternoon...

“Da... Where are you??? Long time no see... How are you???”
“Hmm... I suppose you will be happy to note that I am in Hyderabad too... At a place called Yousufguda... Where do you stay???”
“I live in Safilguda... You know where it is???”
“Nope... Just asked... Anyways, I wanted to inform you that I am here and we shall meet up sometime in the near future...”

I checked my watch... It showed 1505 hrs... The day was still young (considering the fact that my Sundays start at 1300hrs)... I decided to meet this classmate of mine... After all, we were comrade in arms for 7 years... The formative 7 years where they chisel out men from boys (That’s what they claim to do... In my case, it was just a bigger boy from a boy).

“Hmm... Why don’t we meet up today, say at around 6 in the evening??? Hope you are free during that time...”
“Sure... No issues... There is an exhibition that’s going on at Kondapur near Cyber Towers... Why don’t we meet there at 6???”
“Sure... Will meet you there at 6... This is your number right??? Will give a call once I reach there!!!”
“How will you come???”
“Have a bike da... Will come... No probs... See you there... Bye...”
“Bye...”

I hung up the phone and was lying down; staring at the ceiling... My thoughts ran away to that golden 7 years... That was the time we spent together... And we haven’t met for 6 years after that... And we still remain friends... In the last 6 years, I have come across many faces... Many who smiled and many who frowned... Many, whose faces have been erased from my memory in phases..., but still, every single person of the 75 men strong batch of Ultimatians was afresh in the memory... Because strongest of the bonds are forged in highest of the heats... 7 years of life when we lived, fought, shared, cried and rejoiced together... 7 years of my life which I call “LIFE”...

One thought would have lead to another and then finally to Aishwarya, but thanks to the cry-baby... There she was crying again, craving for my attention...

“Hello!!!”
“Ashish, Naresh speaking...”
“Ya Naresh, tell me...”
“Hope you got the report I sent...”
“Naresh, our network is down for maintenance work now... I will check and revert back to you later...”
“Ok boss, let me know if there is any issue... I will send it again...”
“Ya... will do it.. Bye..”
“Bye”

And all hopes to dance with Aishwarya ended with that call... A new school of thought had already established itself in my mind and was in the process of enrolling more and more thoughts about office... I had a particular hatred towards this school of thought... I am an engineer for god’s sake and I am now trying to do a managerial job... A well known catch 22 situation and I was happy to note that after all I was not alone...

I thanked Naresh for spoiling my mood and crawled out of my bed... Had to shower, shave and get ready... I walked up to the radio and switched it on... As usual, Himesh was trying to match his voice with that of a mixer-grinder... “Ooooo....Suruuu...” and I smiled at the thought... “This guy is the rave of the nation... People are nuts... Big time coconuts...”

By the time I got ready, it was 1645hrs... “Hmm not bad... At least I can reach there in time...”
I locked up the house in no time and thought to have a cup of tea before I started off... But alas, “Hello Kerala” was closed... Now I will need to travel miles before I can get another decent cup of tea...

With a heavy heart and empty stomach, I started my journey... This Kondapur is around 30Km from where I stay... I always felt very absurd that an Indian city could be bigger than 40Km in radius. It just doesn’t fit in my mind... I was not used to staying in metros and Hyderabad was not yet a metro... But still travelling for 30 Kms and still being inside the city was new to me...
My lady in red (with grey and black stripes) carried me across the city as fast as she could... After all, she is bulky and heavy for a 150cc gas guzzler... and thanks to the Sunday traffic and the traffic policemen who were determined to squeeze the juice out of the commuters for their month end collection; I reached Kondapur in around an hour...

I called him up...

“Ya.. I am waiting for you near the Ferris wheel... Come soon...” and he cut the phone...
“That was nice”
I spotted him standing near the Ferris wheel talking to a girl who was less than two third his height and by the gleam in his eyes, I could see the reason of his prompt cutting of my call.
“Daa...”

And then there was the hug... It’s not a customary hug... That’s the way we, Kazhaks, actually feel... Kazhaks are family and to meet someone in the family after such a long time gives you such joy which gets converted to random and spontaneous outbursts of hugs...
After the initial “long-time-no-see” chit chats, he introduced me to the skinny girl who was talking to him...

“This is Vicky...”

“Vicky???” I eyed on her suspiciously... That was not her name for sure... Something told me her name had something to do with Vignesh...
“Vigneshwari...” She clarified...

Now it was crystal clear... All south Indians who had names that start with Vignesh were invariably identified as members of the Vicky community... And so was she too...
“But I call her Vicks...”Anish clarified...
“Vicks??? Now that’s original...” Then I eyed him with purported question mark and lo came the answer... “She is my girl...”
“Oh... You didn’t tell me...”
“Hehehe... I haven’t told many... Thought I will shock you in person...”
“Yeah, I am shocked...” But in reality, I was not shocked... All Kazhaks who join colleges invariably ends up with girlfriend(s)... There are others Kazhaks, the unfortunate few who joined National Defence Academy and who will keep looking at girls as objects of amusement... But other than those guys, all Kazhaks had girl friends...

“Where is she from???”
“Sivakasi”
“Acha??? Thampi girl??? Good god... How and when???” Now I was really surprised... I was beginning to feel that I might be the only odd man out in these love games... Now I had a brother...
“From college da... PG... During our MCA time ...”
“So tell me the story... How did it happen??? And (“importantly”) who proposed first???”...
“It was kinda gradual da...”
“Oh...” (”Gradual??? No way, buddy boy... I am now too old in these love games to say that love is unplanned and gradual... Every love is planned and executed... There is nothing called Unplanned Love... Unplanned love is commonly known as infatuation...”)

With the “gradual” answer it also became clear that he was not going to tell me who proposed first... For all you first timers, you need to keep a tab on the topic “who proposed first”... The proposer is the one who is going to make sacrifices pre-marriage and it’s the guy who is going to make sacrifices post marriage no matter who proposed first... More often than not, guys end up doing the sacrifices in both divisions...

“So what’s happening with your life???”
He was probing enthusiastically into my discomfort zone... He wanted me to spill the beans on my life... The question that he asked me might look and sound simple to the onlooker... But that was the same question I had been asking to myself for quite a long time... The big question to which I have no concrete answer... It is 2 years since I started working and I am yet to find out what is my real goal in life is... Around 6 years back, it had been to join the armed forces after passing out through the gates of NDA... But those dreams by shattered by the Central Govt... They said you need to pass the UPSC exams so that they can review your chance of being admitted to the NDA... And then, it was the engineering entrance exams... They said you need to have a good score to get a decent college... All along, I thought the cosmos was out conspiring with Central and State governments so that I might not live in peace... And at times, even thought that I found the perfect proofs for them... But my mate who was standing in front of me was not going to understand that now... Especially when Vicks was right down his nostrils and burning him up... Somehow or the other, I managed to hound my thoughts and gave him the answer he wanted...

“Going fine and great...”

“So, found a girl???” he asked sheepishly...
Now I started thinking about the cosmos conspiracy theory again... From my point of view, he had been bribed by Mother Earth... Maybe in consensus with the Central and state governments too, but for establishing that I needed better proof than intuition... The guy was out to test my resilience by shooting the questions I rather prefer to leave alone...
“Hmm...”
“Hmm??? Good... So what’s her name???”
“She is working for Infosys in Mysore...”
“Ah... A fellow techie??? Very good... So what’s her name???”
“She is from TN, you know...”
And with that statement, Vicks jumped into the fray...
“Appadiya??? From where???”
“Madurai...”
“Entha College???”(“Which college???”)

It was looking as if Vicky was the next candidate for jumping into the Ashish Bash bandwagon and I didn’t like that prospect a bit... Over the years, my social life had shrunk into a cocoon and I never wanted to come out of it... In the initial years, I even dreamt of breaking the cocoon on a fine day and spring out as a colourful butterfly... But as better years flew by, I realised that the springing process was better meant for butterflies, frogs and vehicle suspensions... People like me were supposed to be terrible at springing...

“You are a very silent guy...”
That was Vicky’s comment... I realised that I had been standing mum for a major part of the conversation which she was trying to start...

“He is the philosopher kind... The only one in my batch... Probably the only one we ultimates have seen in a 12 generations of Kazhaks...”

Anish was trying to defend me and put me up the platform which was wrongly mine... I was never a philosopher kind... I was more of a bad jester... Neither did I get the emotions right nor could my audience realise it was a joke... That resulted in my friends painting me with the colours of a philosopher... It was originally a stroke of brilliance by this friend of mine... Anish was the one who dipped me in the holy river of philosophy... I was once trying to tell him the secret of winning a race... According to me, it was a simple joke... Overtake the person in front of you... And when finally you don’t have anyone to overtake, try to overtake your shadow... If you win in doing that, nothing in the world can stop you...

Well, Anish saw philosophy in this profound argument of mine... To him, my thoughts were in the lines of “Keep your expectations high on self and always try to do better than your previous try...”

But actually my thoughts were in the line of “If you manage to overtake your shadow, it will mean that you are as fast as light... So anything faster than you will be faster than light which will mean the mass will increase to infinity as per Einstein’s Theory of Relativity... There will only be two subsequent consequences... Either the competitor will leave the present time dimension and enter the next time dimension which means he will just disappear or his speed will reduce due to the infinite weight... Anyways, victory was certain... ”

My small talks of such kind were treated as Philosophy and before even I realised what was happening, I was Socrates Junior...

“No... I am not silent guy... In fact, I do talk a lot... Today is the day in the week when I talk less... My way of showing the world that I care for the noise pollution...”
I still don’t know how I came up with that line... But the damage was already done...
A gleeful Anish said to Vicks... “See... Didn’t I tell you???”
“Come on now, what’s her name???” Vicks enquired on...
“Priya...”
“Priya??? Just “Priya”???”

I always hated this part... The time when you need to tell someone, the full name of other people with whom they have no connection and will never have... Why can’t they just imagine Priya as a Kajol in KKHH or as Kajol in DDLJ??? It makes me mad when I have to cajole out people of their nasty intention of making fun of people with funny names...

“Sathyapriyanarayana Raju”
“So who are the other people???” queried an energetic and bubbly Anish.
I looked at him bleakly and said “Its 1 person... That’s her full name...”
“Oh... Even I am a TN settled Telugu girl... 3 generations back, our family was in Vizag...” Vicks was trying to support me... I felt thankful to her...

I suggested that we should move on and walk around... But Anish had other ideas...
“We will have a seat in the Ferris wheel and talk...”
Now that was another suggestion that baffled me... From my point of view, no Ferris wheel was next to Hotel Sheraton in the comforts offered for informal chats or lunches... Over and above that, Anish’s talks were already making me dizzy... He would never need the help of a Ferris wheel, if his objective was to make me dizzy...

“No... I am not very keen on that... We will stay here and have fun... I agree that life is a vicious circle and we several times in our lives we just keep coming back to the same point... But I cannot digest that fact that one can go up and down in life for about 10 times in a minute... It just brings on too many oscillations for me to handle... ” I told him...

He just stood there, giving me a look of appreciation... I sensed that he got it completely wrong... This would look like another philosophy to him... Maybe to vicks too... But, whatever it might be, I prided myself for being a friend of this man... He could find logic and philosophy in most of my jokes... Many people found neither logic nor philosophy... To me, he was a philosopher beyond comparison...

“Ok for me, if that is what you want...” He said...
We walked about the exhibition, staring at the displays and girls... Hyderabad was a place where girls knew how to make guys rave after them... But this exhibition was not the type where those “smart” girls would come... It was a common man’s house hold appliance and furniture exhibition with small rides nearby... Altogether, a fun place even without girls!!!

We started talking again about those 6 years after school... The time we never met and spent in colleges and in office... I was thinking about the girls of Hyderabad and thought he would have put the episode of my life in the back of his mind... But it didn’t take long for him to prove me wrong...

I was thanking my lucky stars when I heard him ask again “How did it all start???”
I continued with the thanksgiving, pretending not to hear that...
“TELL ME... How did it all start??? I am dying to hear it....”
“And I would die, if you hear it...” I thought
“You tell me... How did yours start???” I tried to point the same question at him and tried to scare him... Most of the times, it works... But he was not the type who gives up easily...
“I asked you... You tell me... Who proposed first???”

I thought about for a while into my life... It was me who did the sacrifice... But I was not going to let him know all that... It was too personal to let your long-lost-friend-from-school know... I tried to throw him off guard by the standard lover boy reply for the question which was voted as the most uncomfortable question ever since Adam asked Eve out for a dinner...

“It was kinda gradual da...”
“Gradual??? No way, buddy boy... I am now too old in these love games to say that love is unplanned and gradual... Every love is planned and executed... There is nothing called Unplanned Love... Unplanned love is commonly known as infatuation...” He replied in a single breath...

But a determined Ashish was not going to be worn down... I was not going to lose my pride now...
“Well, she proposed me first... Initially, I resisted it... You know, how girls are mad after me, right??? She was also another diehard fan of mine... So I gave in after some initial resistance... ”
That was the biggest lie I ever told... I never had any fans from the fairer sex... But I always walked around with an air of resistance as if I was trying to repel girls... Even though, my air of resistance wasn’t always that resistive, I was much more than successful in repelling girls without any effort... It was always helped by my average boy looks and my awful sense of dressing... My girlfriend was the result of my biggest and most efficient plan I ever made which involved months of surveillance, coaxing, lying, acting and what not... During the course of action of my plan, I always thought about Adam... He never would have understood the amount of work I put in this particular venture... But he also had the advantage of numbers... The first woman on earth had no option but to choose him, the first man on earth... Time, itself, has changed much since then... Today, a guy will have to do all the work mentioned above plus much more and a girl will need to smile at the guy whom she chooses so that the chosen person can spend money on her... The odds are horrifically skewed towards girls now...

“Oh...” Anish sighed in disappointment... I was sure he was waiting to hear another tale of cooing and pleading... Now, he will have to get contended with my boast... He would know my story of being a chick magnet is remote from the truth and therefore would suspect fowl play... But unfortunately for him, it was his word against mine... So there was nothing he could do but snigger...

We discussed everything under the sun and moon... Things that would have changed after we parted from school... From gossips to latest who is who in the Alumni directory... And all the while, I could see him eyeing Vicks once in a while... Looking at her in a way which was too familiar to me... Anyone looking at them for sometime will know that they are in “love”... But I had coined another term for such cases... I call them UDA... Uncontrollable Display of Affection... UDA is a phase that every lover boy or lover girl will go through... Even if they stand miles apart, anyone who can see them simultaneously will understand that they are in love... I even suspected that this was one of the reasons why the usage “Love is in the air” was born... And there is nothing anyone can do against UDA... Even though it is unsolicited, all lovers go through it, no matter how mentally tough they claim to be... It is the same reason why it is easy to spot lovers...

And just when my thoughts were leading me away from Anish and his very own vicks, I was brought back to present by a familiar voice...
“Hellooo... Hellooo...”
“Ya, Naresh...”
“Boss, we have a review meeting on 3rd.”
“So?”
“Nahi, I just wanted to know if you will have a copy of DPR.”
“Naresh, I will mail it to you once I reach home... Abhi main bahar hoon(Now,I am outside)...”
“Ok, Boss... Thanks...”

I always admired the way in which my cosmic conspiracy theory proves right. Every time I am about to disappear in cloud seven or nine; its either my cry babe or a colleague who spoils the show. Kazhaks are generally part of the cloud, whatever the cloud is numbered.

But I doubted if Anish was in the same league or in the rebel league of Ashish Bashers. At times he is the quintessence of friendship and at times he is the captain of the rebel league. I was confused if he had a halo or a pair of horns above his heads.

Mother Nature was always prompt in answering my doubts and this case was no different.
“Daa... I know you were lying about that girl friend of yours. Tell me the correct story.”
I merely gave him a bare look. My precious social life was not star studded, nor it had the glamour of a great love story. There was a reason why I named my story vicious circle and it was not that good to listen.

Four years.
Many great things happen in the world in a span of four years; a leap year, an ICC cricket world cup, The Olympics; all these happen in a cyclic span of four years. In my case, it was a relationship. Four years in a relationship and back to square one. I can easily prove my theory of cosmic conspiracy. Many feats and records are broken, once every four years. But in my case, a heart was broken.
It all happened due to a one liner which was said by my once best friend.
“I am there for you, daa.”
Now I don’t particularly remember the context, in which she said this, but back then, I was a novice in love games and I never interpreted it the way it was meant to be interpreted. But anyways I proposed this girl after a year or so. But according to her, it was too long a time to realise a love.
Devastated from my first attempt to a robust and successful love life, my social life withdrew to a cocoon from which I never wanted to come out. And that was when this damsel named priya came into my life.
“I am there for you, daa.”
That was what she said. Maybe the one mistake I did was to constantly fall for the girls who tell me the line above. Anyways, I fell for her for that one liner and then four years later she fell off from my life.
As I was explaining this story to my previous crush, she had another one liner for me.
“I am there for you, daa.”
And by now I was too much of an expert with this particular phrase and I was of the opinion that “I am there for you” is not equal to “I love you”. So I decided to keep away from all girls who use that one liner.

“ASHISH... TELL ME...”
I realised that I had been standing mum again, lost in my thoughts and worries. Anish was not going to understand the reasons. A few years ago, I never understood how relationships could break up after years of courtship and closeness. But now I knew and I never wanted to experience it again.
But while I was in love, I thought that those who are in love can never fight, let alone break ups. I always used to pity those who break up, thinking that they are not in real love.
I saw my younger self in Anish. He was not going to understand what I had been through and nor will it be easy for anyone. Some relations become stronger as time passes. The genius who said that would not have taken my case into consideration.

“DAA... What happened???”
Now it was a wakeup call from Anish. I knew I was going to be painted with a bucketful of philosophy if I don’t reply this query that emancipated from this Kazhak.
“Nothing da. I just remembered that I had not made some corrections in a report that need to be sent to HQ. I was evaluating the possibility of releasing a new WR so that the current KPR that was focussed by ZM will not end up with SHQ.”

One should not ask the abbreviations of the work related terms which I use in office. Believe me; they are supposed to sound scary and very complex. At least there are made to sound complex so that we can feel that we are trying to rebuild the Great Wall of China, where as in reality, we do nothing more than moving a brick or two in some local construction company. HR dept at all companies should be appreciated for keeping their employees highly motivated to do stuff which is suicidal.

But more often than not, it’s these abbreviations that help us to show-off and it worked here too.
“Oh... Big shot... At least leave your work for today...”
“Can’t help da. That’s the situation at office.”
I glanced at my watch and was surprised that it was quarter to 8. It would not be long before these lovebirds would start looking for grub hubs and as if reading my thoughts, Anish asked me.
“Why don’t you join for dinner???”
Even though it was nice of him to invite me for dinner, I was not going to accept it. I knew it was part and parcel of the formality. All lovers would look at grub hubs as points in public where they can spend some quality time together and not get disturbed. For the same reason, they have the knack of identifying cuisine that take the longest to be prepared and would order them. I always invited my friends to have food along with me and priya but never wanted them to accept our invitation.

“No da. I better get going. I need to finish some presentations before I go to office tomorrow.”
“Oh... Then you better get going...”
Then all of a sudden, Vicks said “Wait, I am coming too.”

First, I was surprised. Then I realised they started their UDA. Now it was better to pretend that I didn’t notice it.
“Ok. So where do you want me to drop you?”
“Nothing nothing. I was just kidding.”
Then Anish joined in the game.
“You go with him. He will drop you.”
“No no. I was joking. I won’t go.”
“You can go. Don’t worry. He will take you to your hostel safely.”
“NO NO. I told you. I was just joking.”
It was then Anish smiled at her and said
“He is a Kazhak, MY FRIEND and your FRIEND-IN-LAW. You will be safe with him.”
That statement made me clear of my confusion. He had halo and not horns. That was the best with Anish. You always felt that he is a Dr.Jekyll & Mr.Hyde kinda person. But finally, when the hour demands, he is more Jekyll than Hyde. That was another of his special properties that I always liked.

After all my chronicles of debacles, I would never have asked any friend of mine to take a girl friend of mine home. To be frank, I had seen enough of such Hydes who hide in their hides of good manners. Here was someone who had complete faith in a friend who he has not met for 6 years. But again it was an inherent property of a Kazhak. Kazhaks seldom change and if they, they change for good.

And as I was moving from one thought to another, Vicks spurted out.
“NO da. I told you I was kidding. I am not going anywhere without you.”
She proclaimed with near tears and she was serious this time.
Anish put his arms around her and told her
“I am there for you, daa.”
I could do nothing but smile at reception of the one liner that I dreaded the most. So did I smile and bid them goodnight before I sped back the 30Kms to my place, this time in less than 30mins.

I settled down in front of my laptop after I had a decent dinner at Hello Kerala.
I recollected the day that just passed. So exciting and entertaining.
On one side, you see a hard core Kazhak and on the other side a lover. One side a friend and the other side a nagging little devil reincarnate. A flurry of emotions and joys. It was so worthy of being penned down.

I typed “winword” in the run window and opened a document. “What shall I name it???”
I couldn’t think of a name which could suit it. It had to be apt. “VICIOUS CIRCLE... That’s it.”
And I started typing... “Hellooo.... Hellooo... “

Ask me why and I shall tell you!!!

Well well...

So finally I have decided to put to blog my favourite piece of writing... Well, majorly because of public demand... :)

So you can all expect to read it in sometime...
Vicious Circle is so far planned as 10-12 installments...
Behold Vicious Circle 1.0... For it was that which paved the way!!!

:)
Thank you folks for your support... For all those who read this and urged me to blog... I hope you all will be happy...

Regards
Ashish